Upon returning to London from India in the spring of 2014, I began self inquiry and spent months looking inside myself for answers to Who and what am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose?
I tore through books on Buddhism, Conversations with God, listened to hours of satsang with Mooji, lectures with Alan Watts and started Kundalini Yoga, sharing a lot of this insight with a wonderful woman I met in London.
I shed a major onion layer of my egoic identity in India but in London I took on a ‘spiritual identity’ instead. Although I was learning a lot and opening up, I also wanted to change the world and sometimes got on my spiritual high horse.
That being said, I had honest intentions to help serve the world with the heart but first I had to heal myself. This was also a big part of this shift in me. I wanted help, to be rid of pain and to understand the Truth.
The story below is a nice metaphor for what was to come later.
The wind sighs gently, creating a calm afternoon breeze that courses through the wooded den. Chariots of cotton clouds billow and burst as they sail across the blue immensity above at a far greater speed. The tapestry dances ever eastward, occasionally blocking the Sun for a spell before unveiling it’s warm embrace again that beams down into my inner sanctum below, somewhere in Regents Park, London.
A Beach tree stands overhead, strong and tall, as I sit beneath an archway of draping branches. The tall grass surrounds, keeping this sacred space less visible from the bustling paved walks ways that span the park, serving to enhance the tranquility. Ahead is an orchard of smaller trees, their canopies fanned out like Peacocks feathers that glow many spectrums of green in the sunlight.
Sitting cross legged, the book I’m reading is put down. The Alchemist. This is my third time reading it and appears even more profound yet again. 10 weeks ago I was in India and experienced what some people might call ‘A Transcendental Experience’. What I mean by this is a calling from your true Self. The One that remembers we are all One and finds more meaning in your life than simply serving your own egoic needs. To move our planet towards positive change. Heaven on Earth. And it starts with you and your perception.
Fear doesn’t serve us it only limits us. It’s not anyone’s fault the world is what it is today, we are doing the best we can but fear has been dominant and it can’t go on. Love knows no limits and can only expand. To grow and continue in the process of Self realization or aspects of it such as unity, compassion and caring in order to serve the world. Which is its own Self. How you express that by following your heart is what the Alchemist calls ‘Realizing your Personal Legend’.
I close my eyes and meditate.
At first an orb pulsates from my third eye and floats outward. Terrence Mckenna calls this a ‘Chrysanthemum’ but to me it is thought and intention that constantly radiates from your being into the world and beyond like energy. This continues for a while as I focus on just being, absorbing the sound of the black birds and pigeons singing in various regions of the park. The call of the Crow echoes briefly in the distance.
Then I detach with one of the orbs. It appears to accelerate and turns into a worm hole. It spirals and speeds up. Thoughts trying to describe are quietly dampened. “Cool, its like Star Wars.. sshhh“. It slows with this brief mental adjustment but speeds up again when thoughts become passive and I accept what I’m seeing. More and more I get the feeling that I’m going deeper inside my sub conscious and deeper still. Spinning clockwise, the wheel turns and I spiral further and further until White out.
The White splashes across my internal vision washing away the tunnel yet it recedes as softly as it emerged until it zooms back and all I can see is a spiraling Galaxy, in the depths of the cosmos, stars twinkling all around. My Innerverse or Our Universe. Or both? Smiling, I don’t feel the expected awe or wow factor from such a sight but I’m actually left with supreme contentment and a warm glow of Knowing.
Walking across the park, homeward bound, it’s like the dimmer switch has been turned up. Every colour, smell and sound extenuated.
And the penny drops. I remember listening to a lecture taught by Alan Watts where he described the Hindu Ideology in which it views life as a Dance and we are its performers. In this moment it makes complete sense. Couples walking in Love, people feeling down at the pub, friends roaring with laughter, cyclists in Lycra pushing themselves with intensity. A man and women courting, a taxi driver shouting, business men sipping coffee, street artists drawing, homeless people sleeping. All of this the grand theater, a Divine Play. For we are all God and we create our realities with every thought and action in all it’s brevity, diversity and magnificence.