Tag Archives: Now

Breaking Free

In the frigid air of the art studio, I sit with a friend and make some tea. Boiling water is poured into my mug which I hold with both hands, the way you do when your hands are cold.

She wants to share a parable called ‘The Priest & The Slave’. It’s from the book she is reading. I listen and smell the sweet steam of the tea;

“A king who is at war with his rival, is trying to prepare his domain for war. It is said that an immense army is on it’s way. The king is hard on his slaves and has them whipped everyday to work faster. They are digging for the materials necessary to make weapons and armour.   

The king is not pleased with the progress and consults his priest. The priest goes to the people to plea for results. Everyone is working hard except for one slave who is plodding along and smiling to himself. The priest asks why he is so happy. “Because, I hear this army is big enough to defeat the king. Living here is awful and harsh, maybe the other army will treat us better”.

The priest thought for a moment and replied “If we give you a decent shelter with food and water, would you work for us in return? To be loyal and fight for us?” The slave considered this with his friends and they all agreed.

So it was settled in the kingdom, the slaves would remain slaves but their willingness to work would give them many comforts. This motivated them enough to produce the weapons needed and even fought for the king successfully.”

I think she was making a point about democracy and willing enslavement.

Having reflected on this, I considered something else;

*

What is the cost of listening to the voice in your head? The voice of past, fear, the need to control?  The embrace of self image?

The cost is our life and freedom but we don’t know it.

The mind creates an identity, a mental construct that we call ‘me’. Naturally we embrace this idea and that’s OK but we don’t see that having the comfort of an identity comes with limitation. Clinging to the separate ‘me’ means we have to strategise life and will end when the body falls. This is the source of fear.

For those who want to be free of this, to know the truth of oneself and to go beyond the notion of being a person, this is most auspicious.

When it is recognised that the personal identity, that has been evolving all our lives, is seen by an impersonal and constant awareness, we begin to discover that our Being is eternal and pure. This is known as ‘awakening’.

Our Being is infinite and formless. It is like space. Everything perceivable appears and disappears in it’s Presence but Itself is perfect and untouched.

We are That.

*

The prison of personality has been exposed and it’s like waking up in jail. All you want to do is return home to freedom.

All these ideas about life, based on past, cultural conditioning, social conditioning, religious conditioning. Definitions, projections, the need for an intellectual arsenal. Our effortless Being doesn’t need it.

This is when the voice of the mind comes back with ferocity and will try everything to distract you from merging fully into Truth.

Self Inquiry becomes a mighty tool.   

Old habits and behaviour are exposed. No need to buy them anymore, we’re not coming from past. Stay fresh, stay Now, confirm you are not this idea of yourself. You are simply Here.

The mind will try to harass, kick up doubt, confusion, frustration. Presence is not enough it will say. You are being irresponsible.

Keep quiet and simply stay aware.

The unreal is burning away, like a junkie going cold turkey. Slowly you will sink like a stone into the depths of your own Being and all the waves of life that continue to play won’t bother you at all.

Everything becomes light, unfolding in perfect harmony. This is what they call Nirvana but it’s really the Truth of yourself.

Perfect, happy and Free.

Part V: Adventure in Being

At the train station, a tall and skinny man with short grey hair emerges from the sea of people asking urgently, “Sir, hello, where are you going? I think your train is not working!”. Darjeeling! I yell back without breaking stride, confident it wasn’t true.

Arriving at the platform with Christine, we unload our bags and sit on a bench soaked in sweat. The porter leaves to verify the trains departure but returns within a minute and utters a single word: Delayed.

After an hour of trying to understand Hindi train announcements, the porter returns with the man from earlier. “I was trying to tell you before, the train is cancelled man. Oh my God, what to do?” Indeed. It’s eleven o’clock at night and our short-lived ‘plan’ has dissolved.

Turns out he is a rickshaw driver and offers to take us back to Varanasi which is 40 minutes away. At first I’m distrustful and think it could be a scam, so we check with the operators. It is most definitely cancelled, as are eight other trains.

I call Diamond on his cell phone to check us back into our former guesthouse. In the meantime, Christine boldly moves through the sardine queue of sweaty men, guarding herself with her trusty trekking pole and retrieves the refund.

We prepare to leave but are approached by the only other white tourist in the station who is looking for help. She needs transport to Varanasi, so the three of us, with all of our bags, squeeze into the back of the rickshaw now resembling a clown car.

  We head back once more, into the night lights of the holy city, happy that we were able to help this young traveler as we have been helped by this kind driver.

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Heading to the train station that night…I guess Varanasi wasn’t finished with us yet! Photo: Christine Idilbi

I don’t know why this is happening but Life is teaching me a lesson about trust, flow and gratitude.

*

Varanasi…

Back in the same courtyard the next morning, Diamond doesn’t seem surprised and agrees to help us find another train.

We’ve only got 3 days left until our flight out of Kolkata.

Through the maze of alleyways, Diamond takes us to his friend’s travel agency. We enquire about alternative trains but most have been cancelled due to an accident at Allahabad, four days ago.

That was the same train station we tried to get to from Agra four days ago! If we got on that train, we could still be stuck!

Grateful for such mysterious harmony, I am positive about this affirmation.  Diamond’s friend however, looks up after a long search. “Sorry my friends, no sleeper trains or buses available until next week, you’ll have to go by air.”

The tickets are the same cost as my feeble bank balance.

Fearful thoughts arise as my mind creates a whirlwind of assumptions about arriving back in England a beggar, my travels ending, and getting booted out of India for overstaying my visa.

I need a second.

My heart tells me this is good because it shows me I still lack total faith in God. I sit near the Ganges and watch the mental palpitations of panic and anxiety. Finally, I say Yes and trust in the destiny Life has in store for me.

*

Returning to the travel agent, Christine is smiling and says calmly; “They found the last tickets out of Varanasi on the express train to Kolkata tomorrow morning”. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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Christine & Diamond on our ‘real’ last day in Varanasi

With restored faith we return to the guesthouse after a lunch of dosa and samosa and pack our things. Later on, I reflect on a practical approach in guiding  someone into deeper Self Awareness and am inspired to write The Master Key.

Christine gets her ankle x-rayed and it shows no broken bones but a torn tendon. Yay.

*

Bright and early the next morning we arrive at the station..again. An old porter who I can’t understand takes us to the last platform, sticks out his hand for a tip and leaves.

This certainly feels like a smoother finale to our Indian saga.

Time ticks on until there’s only ten minutes left to board the train. That’s strange, the train should be here by now. 

Something doesn’t feel right so I go and ask two soldiers for help. Apparently we are at the wrong end of the station!

Palpitations and profuse sweating returns. Panicked, I look around and find myself already surrounded by smiling strangers ready to help. Grabbing Christine, we all rush to the other side where a crowded train is already waiting with whistles blowing, ready for departure. Quick!

Striding down the steps, I blindly dash for the doors to halt the train. “No madam!!” comes a bellow from the communications room nestled in the background. “That is the wrong train madam. You’re going to Kolkata isn’t it?”. Christine wiggles her head to which he replies “You’re on the next train, thank you, yes.”

Oh my word. We have five minutes left so I go to grab a chai and find the train waiting when I return. Running down the platform, Christine is dragging her bags into the train. I grab mine and jump on too.

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All aboard! Photo: Christine Idilbi

Storing the bags we collapse into our beds in the air-conditioned cabin. At Last. After more chai and samosas, Christine and I recall the magic of effortless flow and trust even in the midst of chaotic India. Happy and comfortable, we rejoice in the lessons of life and rest in bliss.

The train ride is amazing and so comfortable we muse about how we could do our own Darjeeling Limited experience.

*

Kolkata

As we enter the periphery of Kolkata, we pass through the district of Dum Dum, the first place I ever visited in India. I reflect for a moment on the auspiciousness of the unexpected awakening that took place that year and the miracles that brought me to this moment, Now.

Upon arrival, a silent man in a red turban wheels our bags across the train tracks to the entrance where we jump into a taxi and head for Sudder street. It is chaotic, busy and of course fully booked. All we find is a mattress in a bricked alleyway or a five star hotel. I don’t believe it, I know there’s a decent room out there.

I leave the taxi and stride around for thirty minutes, until at last I find the last room on the top floor of ‘Capitol’ Hotel. The concierge wipes his nose on the curtain as I sign in our names. Classy.

I turn on the AC and return to grab Christine who has made a friend. She is an Indian gypsy who draws temporary ‘henna’ tattoos on people and came to her rescue to defend her from the lustful advances of an over eager man. Relieved and exhausted we buy her some milk for her baby, wave her goodbye in the humid crosstown traffic and crash into the refrigerated room in a happy heap.

Epilogue 

Finally we arrive on the 181st day in India as we sit in an intercity cricket pitch, with the Victoria memorial silhouetted against the glow of the evening sky.  We are grateful for the rich, raw, marvellous and beautiful life experience that our inner Guru facilitated in beloved ‘full power’ India.

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Walking back to the hotel to get ready for our flight Photo: Christine Idilbi

That night, as the plane reaches take off speed we sail upward, overlooking the land of West Bengal.

*

Through all the apparent craziness of India, I have learned that when one stops trying to swim upstream by maintaining a rigid, planned existence but instead surrenders to the natural state of being, life flows harmoniously.

That sense of being, of ‘I am, I exist’ is inherent in all of us. This is our root, our source. We are One.

Our journey is to realise this consciously.

God Bless the Being!